That's when you crack a 10am beer
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
