Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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