NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
