Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
