I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
