just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I'm really busy with my period
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