Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
