I think my fart just growled at me.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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