I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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