i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
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I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
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He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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