mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
