woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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