I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
