I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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