Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
