i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
