I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Come on in and take your pants off
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