I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
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i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
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Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.