Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
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You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
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You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible