They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
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I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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