Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
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