I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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