at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
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