A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
