Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Randomize
