the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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