I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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