What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
