i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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