So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
We got so high we made milksteak
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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