I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
