I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
