Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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