yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
