the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
