I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
he wants to bone in the snuggie
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
