girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
