She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
