I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
