I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
