Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
