I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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