I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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