I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I think I sprained my soul last night
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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