And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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