On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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