First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
