so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
