I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
