he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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