I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
