I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I love you. Go after that dick
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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