Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
