Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
