If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
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