We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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