It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
love makes seman taste better
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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