I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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