There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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