Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
