you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
