Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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