Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
