Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
