Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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