One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
