Plan B is the new Plan A
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
