there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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